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Joke Of The Day

July 2007 

Today's Joke

July 6th, 2007 


“Friend”

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.
"Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. What’s up with you?" says the bartender.
"Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!"
"That’s terrible pal, the next drink is on the house."
So the bartender gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down.
"If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"
"I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
"Good for you! You said the right thing.
So what did you say to your best friend?"
"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said, BAD DOG!"


 

 

July 2nd, 2007

“Song”

The Penis Song

You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here

What a lovely ride
Your penis is a thrill
Your penis is a Cadillac
A giant Coupe de Ville
Your penis packs a wallop
Your penis brings a load
And when it makes a delivery
It needs its own zip code
Nine - double zero - penis

You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here


Your penis is so strong
Your penis is so smooth
Your penis has got a rhythm
Your penis makes me groove
Your penis is a dream
The biggest one I've seen

You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here

Your penis is so big
Your penis is so thick
Your penis is so pretty
You've got a handsome dick

Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the star
"Staring your penis"

You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here 

July 3rd, 2007

"Swimmer"


This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.
Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.
After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lies beside her. She's really pleased to have met this guy.
At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.
The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!
After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.
The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.
"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid. She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team. 

July 5th, 2007 

"Lovers"

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he is so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"


The Joke Of The Day is taking a summer vacation. Please check back October 1st.



Joke Of The Day 2007


 
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